I’m no saint.

While this pronouncement, dear readers, certainly won’t shock my husband and family (or even me), the discovery of how much I would like to be one, will shock us all.

In my pre-saintly ways I would have blamed others for this.

Fr Larry Richards comes to mind.

Note:

If you really want to feel like a bad Catholic, read Fr Larry’s book, Surrender.  

If you want to BE a good Catholic, read AND implement Fr Larry’s call to action in his book, Surrender.

However, I am currently evolving. A work-in-progress as my banner says above. Instead of blaming someone else, I would like to call out my soul. It has been longing, yearning, fighting for decades to be allowed its own way; the way our souls were designed.  It finally has found its own voice and it is urgently coaxing me to make sainthood my number one priority.

Before you condem me as a narcissist or heretic or other unkind word, I ask that you continue to read…

I’m not saying I want there to be a St. Mrs. Summitt’s Feast Day where priests talk about my saintliness and extol the faithful to mimic my pious ways.  I honestly hope no one notices once I’ve attained living saintliness.  After all, it only really matters if God deems me worthy of the title, not man.

If I were you, I’d be thinking at this point, “Why do I actually care about some married lady who is going to make her husband’s life miserable by becoming ‘saintly’?”  This married lady doesn’t want you to care about her journey to sainthood.  She wants you to care about yours while sharing why she now cares about her own.  (I’ll let Mr. Summitt speak to the misery of living with someone who wants to be a saint but admits to being a bit off from that goal)

All of these years I felt that it was improbable for me to live a life that was truly for God first.  I mean, I said I did.  I prayed that I would.  But who really wants to do that?  Have you looked around?  There’s some pretty sweet stuff out there for those who put themselves first:  cars, houses, boats, jewelry, travel, daily mani/pedis and root touch-ups.  Sure, that’s all “of this world” and I’m supposed to focus on “the next” but Lord, Powerball is $350 MILLION…can’t I pray to win it?  If it be your will?  I promise to do great things for You and Your Church with the money…and then I’ll focus on saintliness.

Now, I didn’t pray those exact words, but something like it a time or twenty over the years…

I still play the lottery.  I try not to pray too hard about winning.  I do consider all the great works I could do if I won.  I acknowledge that it is unlikely God’s will includes a Powerball win for me.

Now that you see I am really a sinner and am self-aware enough to acknowledge the fact, you can breathe a sigh of relief that you don’t need to try and have me committed as a psychological patient for thinking I am St. Mrs. Summitt.

The journey forward is obstructed by my own lack of full community with God’s will in my life.  I do try.  I pray, I plead, I confess.  All with the goal of finding out what God wants of me while hoping it is something I am already doing.  Well, not any more, but that is pretty much how I wanted to view the whole “will of God” deal.  I always knew deep down that my pathetic attempts to make my will into God’s will would fail.

So now I am on a mission to uncover the mystery of God’s will for me.  As I mentioned on my redesigned homepage, this blog is a part of what I believe to be the first step on the path of living God’s will.  Buying Fr. Larry Richard’s book was another step (well, the reading of it more so).  Opening my heart to truly hear God’s voice and to wait until He chooses to speak…that is the current step on this journey and I have the patience of a 3 year old.  Gimme!  Mine!  Now!  No!  (Yes, I also pray for patience and the ability to quiet my mind.)

Even now, in the still of the night, I wait.  I don’t even know quite what I’m waiting for but I know that when it arrives, there will be no doubt that it is from God and that He will continue to give me the grace, if I choose to cloak myself in it, to rise to the occasion, make His will my own and step ahead on  the path.  The one that leads to heaven, to God’s embrace, to sainthood.

I implore you now to listen to your own soul.  Listen to the cries to allow it to be what it was always meant to be from the first moments of creation…your key to heaven, to God’s embrace, to sainthood.  I urge you to consider stepping on the path to sainthood with me, not for what it brings you in this world, but for what it promises in the next.

I willingly (if not somewhat begrudgingly) give my life to Him, make His will my own and pray for the fortitude to finish the journey the way God intended.

God Bless!

Mrs. Summitt