September | 2012 | Mrs Summitt

Dear Reader,
I am currently in Italy on vacation and had thought I would wait until getting back home before writing anything new for my blog. As usual, the Lord has a different timetable. Since this blog is directed by Him, I am sitting on a bus on the way from Sorrento to Positano thinking about what to share with you.

The images in my mind are a bit of a jumble…so I ask your forbearance as I separate out the thoughts for coherency.

We, as a Catholic people, have forgotten our roots. We have turned away from our homeland, the Vatican. I do not necessarily mean the Magesterium or the Basilica but rather the remembrance of what took place on that hill in Rome so many years ago to Christ’s Vicar on Earth, our first Pope, St. Peter or if you prefer, San Pietro.

I had the amazing privilege and honor to tour underneath the Vatican during this trip to Italy. The tour takes you into the necropolis where Romans were buried according to their traditions in the time before and after Christ. It also leads you to St Peter’s tomb. You are not able to touch the tomb but you are able to see pieces of it from several angles. A column here, some marble there, the table built above as a chapel of sorts by early Christians. You are not allowed to take photos so I am unable to share the scene.

I can however share the feeling. I was overwhelmed with humility and longing for closeness to God. The very fiber of my being vibrated…it was almost as if my very DNA felt as though it was “home”. This holiest of places, where Christ’s Vicar on Earth, Peter, was crucified and interred, finishing the mission Christ gave to him as He ascended to Heaven. I was standing right there!

So unworthy am I to be in the presence of even the bones of Peter! Yet, I was afforded this gift and am now charged with sharing with you, dear reader, what I’ve been asked to take away from it.

First, the selflessness of Peter. Yes, he denied Christ three times when Our Lord was swept up to begin the inevitable path to crucifixion. Yet, Christ also gave Peter a great charge…the one to guide His flock, to ensure His gift of redemption was heard and understood around the world. Peter did just that and through unbroken succession, Christ’s Vicar on Earth, the Pope continues to nurture and guide us in our faith and on our individual journey to sainthood. If only I could be so selfless perhaps I wouldn’t need confession so often!

Second, that God continues to call us home, both to the Vatican and to Heaven. The Vatican fills our mortal selves with the knowledge and fortitude for the journey through our earthly existence to our ultimate destination, Heaven. At the Vatican, we can touch the Divine, walk where the saints trod and revisit the magnificence of our faith. I also cannot discount the hundreds of churches in Rome, each with relics and tombs that allow us within a glass pane’s width of a saint! A journey I believe every Catholic should attempt at some point in their life.

Third, it is never and I do mean never (at least in our earthly existence) too late to listen to God’s call and begin your own journey of discovering the purpose He created you for. While the path is not particularly easy and to be honest, is often frustrating for someone (like me) used to instant answers and immediate rewards, it is one with the ultimate reward..heaven!

When I am home safe and sound, I will add some photos from the Basilica and the Vatican Museum as well as a few of the churches I had the great honor to explore and pray in.

More on the “singing rocks” during my accidental pilgrimage as well over the next days.

Yours in Christ’s Love,
Mrs. Summitt

I have a confession to make. Seriously, I need to go to confession. First, I need to check the confession schedule for a church I don’t attend regularly. It’s always easier to tell your sins to a priest you don’t really know and who isn’t going to see you on Sunday. Am I right? The funny thing is, the One really forgiving me knows who I am no matter where I go to confess 😉

However, I am going to talk publicly about this grave sin here before I confess officially. Consider it my willingness to own that I knew I was sinning, committed it willfully and only recently realized the depths of what that sin means to my soul and to my journey to live a saintly life.

I am a contracepting Catholic. I have had my reasons since marrying for wanting to ensure no pregnancy while still enjoying intimacy with my husband. Some are health related, others purely selfish. It isn’t that I don’t agree with the church’s teaching, I do. I’ve read the substantive parts of Humnae Vitae and Theology of the Body. I understand the tenants and acknowledge their validity.

Why then would I knowingly sin? The easy answer is I am human. The more difficult truth is I was not willing to surrender to God’s will for my life in fear that it did not match my own. The height of arrogance! I also didn’t believe enough in the love between my husband ( a non-Catholic) and myself to trust in how he would react to my fears about my health, pregnancy, and fears of becoming a parent with a 20 year old (another story) as well as an infant.

All that recently changed thanks to an uncomfortable sermon. Father challenged us all to look inside as to our worthiness to receive communion. He reminded us that receiving while knowingly having committed a grievous sin that we’ve yet to confess diminishes the receipt of our Savior in communion and is in itself a grave sin. Whew! After that sermon I was surprised anyone but the children went up for communion!

Those words forced me to face what I had earlier been unwilling to, that I was sinning at a magnitude unbecoming of my faith.

What did I do about it? I set an appointment with my doctor to talk about my health and a possible pregnancy. We meet again soon with specialists to talk about a strategy to prepare my body for potential pregnancy. My husband and I talked about what we will do if the doctors come back and say that a pregnancy is unadvisable given my current state of health. We also talked about my fears and my husband, while hurt, forgave me for my lapse in faith. We also broke out the booklet from our NFP training and are reacquainting ourselves with the process. We even discussed abstinence while we wait on all the other pieces to sort out. I am truly blessed to have married to such an amazing man!

The relief in having these discussions has morphed into a resolve that I speak openly about this struggle. I have recently watched “catholic” women exhort contraception and abortion as societal “norms” and necessities against the consequences of live and let live promiscuity. What these women fail to acknowledge is that love and life are precious gifts, ones meant to be fulfilled under the promises of God and not under the admonitions of men. We cannot blithely choose to ignore what God has allowed us, through science, to understand. Life is a gift. To us. To our children.

As for me, I seek out God’s forgiveness for my human failings. I put my trust in Him to move my life forward under His plan for me rather than my own flawed plan.

If you see me at confession….ssshhh….I still hope Father doesn’t recognize me 😉

Yours in Christ.
Mrs. Summitt